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‘Hate and Hate’ relationship of Men and Loneliness

You might be one of those men who feels lonely most of the time. Even in a crowd or with your friends, you might be feeling desperately lonely. Or perhaps you might not even have true friends to call of your own. This is a very common feeling amongst most of the men in today’s society and has been passed on since ages.

As a boy is being raised, he is taught to be strong, tough, assertive and of course, manly most of all. Most of the marketing campaigns for men today only talk about what it means to be a man. Whether it is an advertisement about razors or sports it is all about high testosterone. However, these marketing campaigns have been doing more harm than good. It has led to a pandemic of men who feel isolated, abandoned and alone.

The major reason why a man feels lonely today is because of the masculine blueprints that have been showcased big time in our society. Men are unable to express themselves and have been bottling down their feelings and emotions instead of sharing them with others.

Fear of Appearing Weak

One of the major reasons why men feel lonely is that they feel that if they share their feelings and emotions, they will appear weak. Most of the men have always been taught not to whine about their problems. However, they are human beings as well and have a fair share of issues in their lives. When they are unable to share their feelings and emotions, it will lead them to mental health disorders, such as anxiety and depression.

Not Being Vulnerable

The way men are raised since childhood, they are uncomfortable in being vulnerable, even with their partners or their friends. Some men do not even have friends with whom they can be vulnerable. This only makes them desperately lonely as well as helpless. Their bottled up emotions are unable to sneak out and they end up being in loneliness.

Hypermasculine Assertiveness

Being assertive is not a crime, in fact it is good to go behind what you want in life. However, not all men are alpha male, so some men are just naturally more confident than other men. However, the less confident men are made to feel as if they are less than a man because they are not behaving to the expectations. These men withdraw inward and choose to isolate themselves due to such behaviour.

Less Bonding Opportunities

Men, unlike women, get few bonding opportunities such as joining the military, a local gym or team sports. However, not all men go for it and it becomes a huge problem for them as they are unable to bond with other men and share their issues with them. And once you have already been in the phase of loneliness, it is harder for you to join any of these.

Signs that a Man is Lonely

If you know someone who you feel is lonely or if you are a man who is being engulfed in loneliness but it is hard for you to decipher, we have a few signs of loneliness for you to understand.

Spending a lot of Time Alone

This is one of the most obvious signs that a man might be lonely. If a man is spending a lot of time alone, such as eating lunch alone at work or not joining his colleagues during break time, it might be a sign that he has been lonely for a long time.

Being Unproductive

If a man has not been able to work efficiently and has not been able to be productive at work he might be lonely. Men who have friends at work are much more productive than lonely men and are able to give their 100% at work.

Being Negative

Men who are lonely often give negative vibes to other people as they mostly dwell on their bad experiences rather than the good ones. This is mostly because they do not have a close friend to laugh it off with. If a man is still upset about someone being rude to them a week ago, they might be dealing with a lot of loneliness in their life.

Getting Ill Frequently

If a man is frequently getting sick or ill due to some underlying health issues or overwork, it does not mean that might be lonely. However, if they are dealing with increased stress levels or disturbed sleep, it might be a sign that they are lonely in their life.

Overly Attached to Possessions or Hobbies

When there is less human interaction in a man’s life, he tends to distract himself with other things. So if a man is always solo travelling on the weekends or is busy gardening all the time, it could be a sign that he is dealing with loneliness in his life.


The way men have been raised, it is very hard for them to share their feelings and emotions with others, even when they want to. And when toxic masculinity comes into the picture it is even harder for them as they feel that they will be stigmatised if they become vulnerable. As human beings, men too need to share their problems with other people instead of bottling them up as it will only lead them to mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.

Apart from that, if they feel that they will be unable to share their problems with someone known, they can always opt for therapy to share their feelings and emotions. Therapy is a wonderful option for such men who are too scared to be vulnerable and is a safe space to share their issues.

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