Your parenting style as a father can have a huge impact on the way your child grows up to be. Let’s understand different parenting styles this father’s day.
Fathers generally do not have the luxury to be open and show their caring and softer side to their offsprings. We live in a society that still considers the act of being tough and never being vulnerable as the role of a hero and our fathers have always been our heroes. Hence, we took the job of understanding different parenting styles that a father can apply to his family, this Father’s Day.
Yes of course he is the one you will go to when you find yourself in a situation, be it regarding a financial loss or just the fact that you accidentally have caused harm to the car. Although, we know that when it comes to emotions and being our vulnerable self, we will choose our mothers to show us the support that we need.
However, talking of the recent times the pandemic made sure that even fathers get to spend their time at home and make a significant participation in terms of parenting. The pandemic changed a lot of parenting styles that many fathers have been applying for the wellbeing of their children. Many got the time to reflect on how distant they might have been from their family and now how little they know about the lives of those for whom he has been spending so much time and effort in their offices.
Many of us have seen that we spend a large amount of our time and effort in our day jobs, go home tired with hardly any headspace or room for our loved ones. Which actually in the end defeats the whole purpose of earning a livelihood. We as a human race were supposed to earn in order to sustain our loved ones, our families and be able to give them all the luxuries of life, which we can earn through our jobs.
Over the years, the stress of becoming successful and reaching the top in this rat race has become so significant and a necessity that many men either get burned out or lose their whole purpose. All the while the purpose has been simple, your job should give you the luxury to make a better living for your family, it should not become an identity of its own and give you stress to a level that you end up forgetting your family.
Pandemic broke that pattern and made many men realise that they started working in order to sustain a family. Men are now consciously taking time for family and becoming an active parent. However, they still don’t know about different parenting styles that are prevalent and talked about when it comes to conscious parenting.
Although, while doing my research I found that these parenting styles can broadly be divided into traditional parenting which consists majorly of four parenting styles: Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive and Neglectful, and modern parenting which ranges from attachment parenting to even narcissistic parenting.
However, at this time it is important to mention that whatever might be your parenting style as a father, we understand that you have your reasons for it and have made the choice keeping in mind the best interest of your child. After all a parent, and a father are aware of their situations and make decisions according to those.
Let’s take a look at these parenting styles this Father’s Day:
Traditional Parenting styles
Based on the research works of Diana Baumrind, a Developmental Psychologist, who broadly divided parenting styles into three styles. These styles are also called ‘Baumrind’s Parenting Typology’. However, in her research Baumrind identifies three basic styles of parenting which are then expanded upon by two Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin.
In this kind of parenting style, the parents are expected to be nurturing, responsive and supportive. As a father you are supposed to be present in your child’s growth, take an interest in their regular activities. Although, the parents still put on some rules and regulations which the child is supposed to follow. This parenting style ensures that the child gets a good amount of nurturing and still understands his or her responsibilities. The parent is open to listen to what their child has to say, take it into consideration but might or might not always act according to the wishes of the child.
This one is where parents are stricts. They set out boundaries and restrictions that the child has to follow. Explanation, feedback, direct communication with the child is low and the decision making process does not involve the child having an active voice. The assumption is that as a parent a father knows better and whatever he is doing is for the benefit of the child. Punishments and decisions being told to be followed by the child are part of this parenting style.
This is a lenient form of parenting where expectations from the child are limited. As a parent or as a father you are supposed to be very involved in your child’s life, however, you place very few demands and control on the child. The parent tries to be more of a ‘friend’ with their child rather than a parent. Although, this also means that children are not exactly shown the ropes of discipline and they are given the authority to make their own rules and decisions.
As the name suggests, neglectful parenting allows children to be the sole decision makers. The parent or the father is not interested in the life of the child and let the child do whatever they desire. The parents are detached from the needs of the child and are majorly not present. This of course could be the result of the situations that might be going on in their own lives.
Modern (recent) Parenting Styles
With our worlds becoming more and more complex by the day, there have been other styles of parenting that have come into focus in recent times. These different parenting styles are either defined by the behaviour of a parent or how attached they are to their child. Here are some parenting styles that a father can go through and then make his decision of what suits his family.
Consistent support and guidance is provided to the child through their developmental stage and a positive response is given to their every failure, encouraging them to be more.
This style of parenting is framed around the attachment theory, which focuses on the attachment of parents and children and the aspect of their distance.
Parents are defined by the characteristics of empathetic and responsive. The children are encouraged to explore their environment, have decision making skills and have their own personality and skills.
Someone who has a narcissistic personality and now uses the same behavioural pattern in the ways of his parenting. The parent will be possessive of the child and at the same time also envious of their growth or independence.
The parents choose not to be the sole planners of their child’s day to day activities and rather allows the child to enjoy their childhood and explore their environment at their own pace. Another factor is that children are encouraged less to have electronics and are offered more traditional toys, with ample family time.
The term was first used by psychiatrist Shimi Kang and happiness researcher Shawn Achor, where they were drawing reference to the parenting style as that of dolphins. The parents are playful, avoid overburdening their child, refrain from being overprotective and take their child’s desires into consideration while making decisions.
Majorly seen in Central African countries, this type of parenting takes the burden from just parents and allows the child to grow with a sense of community. Parents co-parent their child with extended family community members.
Unconditional parenting ensures that the child is given love and support no matter what the situation might be. However, the parents neither give any rewards nor any punishment to the child and rather focus on creating a strong bond with their offspring.
The parents are over involved in their child’s life and often attempt to solve all of their child’s problems. They do not let their child make independent decisions and pay extremely close attention to all of their child’s experiences. Sometimes also referred to as helicopter-parent.
It is pretty clear from the wide variety of parenting styles given above that there is no one perfect way to do parenting. Every style of parenting has its positives and negatives, and we are all very aware of the fact that parenting is and has never been easy for anyone.
Add to the fact that every father has a whole lot of other burdens added to the mix. Fathers are that one pillar of support in each child’s life which they know is the strongest and will always stand tall and support them, no matter what your parenting style is. Although it’s important to note that as a father at times apart from being your child’s strongest support, you might have to show them your vulnerable sides as well. They also need to understand that being strong does not always mean not being true to your emotions.
Whatever style of parenting you might choose, make sure to let your child know and understand your love for them.