We all learn a lot of things the hard way. We all feel that it is our self-sufficiency that makes us who we are. No doubt, being self-sufficient is the need of the hour. But whether we agree or not, directly or indirectly, we do need to depend a little on people around us. If I specifically talk about men, the majority of the group find it difficult to ask for help when compared to women. And the worst part is, sometimes all they need is a little help. Of course, it is subjective. But when we can see a pattern to any problem, it can be followed by a lot of people. So, why do men avoid asking for help?
There can be very many reasons for it. But the most obvious and basic reason is the societal portrayal of how a man should be. The hero is going to save everybody and anybody who doesn’t care about their own wounds, can’t feel pain, is always brave, doesn’t depend on anybody. We have all seen or heard such stories as kids. But isn’t it teaching a man the wrong definition of being “strong”? Let us go through some actual reasons why men find it difficult to ask for help even when they need it.
They think they can do it by themselves—as if
When we talk about independence, we don’t always mean that you don’t want or like to be around other people. Even when men are self-sufficient, they do need somebody to help them out in some situations. Obstacles are inevitable, and so will be the need for help. Setting unrealistic benchmarks for men to be self-sufficient all the time is just pushing them towards being a closed book and leading to stress and burnout. This can be a reason why men avoid asking for help.
They may think that it’s not their place to
Your “Man of the house” can actually be in trouble and avoid asking for your help just because he has been given the place where he is handling all the responsibilities. Just because a man is handling all the responsibilities doesn’t mean he won’t be vulnerable. What a shame that a man cannot seek assistance from the people for whom he may be responsible simply because our society has taught them to be a certain way. This pressure of handling everything on your own can be a reason why men avoid asking for help.
They fear judgement
Let’s face it. Judging is human nature. Only the intensity varies. And yes, we should try to be as judgemental as we can. Men may find it difficult to ask for help because they fear judgement. “He can’t even do that?!”, “You are too manly to ask for help”, “Be a man!”, all these statements are nothing but harsh. Men have heard this so much over the years that now their subconscious mind tells them that people may judge them if they behave in any other way. This not only harms individualism but also creates a very toxic environment for men.
They fear rejection
For all these above-mentioned reasons, if a man still asks for help, that means two things. First, it must have taken a lot out of him to do so, and second, he actually needs help a little more than usual these days. Hearing a “NO” in such a scenario can be hurtful. Not only that, but being rejected may cause them to feel embarrassed or hurt with their ego. But at the end of the day, you are a human and it’s okay if you asked for something and the other person couldn’t do it for you. There is always next time but you should never stop asking.
They are ashamed
It is a human tendency to doubt oneself. But it is also very normal to fail, especially when you are new to something. Men often think that they should be perfect in whatever they do. And that’s the issue. You can’t be good at everything. You can’t “know it all”. There are always going to be such times when you don’t know how to do things. For that, you need to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with that.
They don’t want to know the truth about themselves
You can be all positive about how much planning you do, but life will always serve you with something unexpected. Majority of the time, you are not going according to your plan but just improvising every day. Men often avoid asking for help because they don’t want to face the fact that there is a problem. Because, of course, that is scary for them.
But let me tell you, if at any point in your life you think nothing is going according to your plan, the majority of the people around you feel the same and can relate to it. Asking for help may let you know that you are not the only one. It can also help the other person open up.
We still need to fight all the misconceptions prevailing in our society regarding “how a man should be”. It’s very normal to ask for help, and we need to build a cushion around our men so that they can feel safe asking for help. Before just telling them to start being comfortable about asking for help, we should understand why men avoid asking for help.
After all, You are too human to not ask for help!