Men are often perplexed when it comes to choosing the right life partner for themselves. Bad relationship experiences or painful divorces are forcing men not to commit. Throughout the centuries, men have received a plethora of advices on what constitutes a happy and successful marriage. Friedrich Nietzsche, a 19th-century German philosopher, whose work has exerted a profound influence on contemporary philosophy, has some sound advice on the subject of choosing the correct life partner. Nietzsche’s advice diverts from basic notions and offers thought-provoking views, mixed with irony and solemnity. “It is not a lack of love that causes unhappy marriages, but a lack of friendship,” Nietzsche says, emphasising the importance of friendship between couples, even more so then romantic feelings or sexual attraction, alone is adequate for a happy and successful marriage.
Nietzsche’s 3 empowering questions to ask oneself before committing to marriage:
Is your partner a good friend in general?
“The best friend will probably acquire the best wife, because a good marriage is founded on the talent of friendship” , suggests Nietzsche, implying that if the person you are dating has deep, long-lasting friendships and is good at cultivating friendship, than that person is worth choosing as your life partner. But if the same person is problem-ridden and not good at cultivating friendships, that can be worrisome. Men are not very good at cultivating friendships as compared to women, who are distinctly better at it. A man should seek a partner who is good at cultivating friendships.
“Do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman up into your old age?”
This is a direct quote from Nietzsche, implying that as the couple ages, feelings of romantic love and lust quickly vanquish, and it will be the communication with your partner that will comfort and entertain you in the long term. “Everything else in marriage is transitory, but most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation,” says Nietzsche, meaning you should be able to banter as much as you want with your partner on different topics without your partner getting frustrated or bored. If you have this much conversation going on with your partner, then it’s an ideal match. While the goggles of new love may cause you to overlook how little real conversation you engage in now and how much of your time together is filled with trading memes, making out, watching TV, and nothing more than time-filled teasing, as time passes, you’ll become bored, and the realisation that you have perhaps five more decades of daily dead time ahead will hit you like a tonne of sobering bricks. As Nietzsche observed: “How many married men are there who have experienced the morning, when it has dawned on them that their young wife is tedious?”
Do you have mutual admiration for each other? Nietzsche emphasised mutual admiration between couples over practical benefits or sheer delights provided by the other person.
They should be able to motivate each other to be the strongest, most creative, and most courageous version of themselves, as Nietzsche says, “a shared higher thirst for an ideal above them.” Acknowledgement, not sheer delight, is what a man should seek in his partner. Life is a long journey that will have its good and bad times. Having a partner who becomes your strength will help you pass through the rough patches. A partner who inspires you and helps you become the person you want to be is an ideal characteristic trait that men should look for in a partner.
Takeaway
Nietzsche’s view offers an ideal way to choose a partner. Men frequently regret making poor decisions that disrupt their daily lives. Modern times are fast-paced; people fall in love quickly and break up just as quickly. To avoid such situations, we need to embrace a more ideal way of choosing a partner that has longevity and soundness. Men should look for a partner who inspires them, becomes their support system, is easy to converse with, and will stay a lifelong friend. The Biggest Fan!