We are all familiar with the tale of how romantic meet-ups start. In a bar, you notice a man. Or perhaps the library, or at the supermarket. Your gaze is fixed. Your pulse quickens. He beams. You grin. There’s tension and spark in the atmosphere. You might be thinking if this will turn out to be another one ofy our mistakes or your greatest life adventure.
You venture out and enjoy yourselves. A second date is scheduled. He doesn’t even wait three days to make contact after promising to do so. After a few more encounters, you begin to believe that this might be the start of something wonderful, something genuine, and then “poof”, everything disappears! He ends the call. Your texts are unread by him. It seems like he has vanished off the face of the planet. You start to wonder if his adorable visage will appear on a milk box. Alternatively, he may reply to your texts but stop initiating them on his own and become progressively more and more distant.
In the modern world, the disappearing man is a regular issue faced by women, leaving a trail of women behind them with damaged self-esteem and severely battered confidence. They are either seen as mistakes or a bad taste as a way to cope with the situation. Ghosting makes moving on far more difficult than it would have been if he had just told you why he was leaving. Palak Sharma being our in-house relationship expert, shares with us the following reasons as to why most of the time men don’t say anything when he leaves a relationship. Continue reading to find out!
Difficult to express or approach the subject
He cannot explain why he is not experiencing it, nor does he want to hurt your feelings.
He doesn’t care enough about the connection to spend the time explaining himself, as harsh as that may sound. For you it might have been the time of your life but have you ever considered what he might’ve felt about it or does he feel the same way too? Communication is key! Not doing so is one of the biggest mistakes couples make in ruining a relationship.
Because he won’t reveal why he had ghosted you. You’re forced to make an educated guess. Because no one can ever fully explain something to you, it frequently leads to you repeating the same self-defeating habits.
Unknowing mistakes – Power Balance
Women often engage in a behaviour known as “filling the space,” which is one of the key causes of a male pulling away.
It works like this: When two people cross paths, there is a space between them, and they alternately walk into it. They might enter it through their words, their physical presence, or their deeds. The dynamic becomes unbalanced if the woman is the main space-filler.
If you are the main space-filler in the relationship, you are probably a leader or initiator in the dating dynamic. Nothing is wrong with this at all! The world requires powerful women. However, this imbalance might gnaw at the male, at least in his perception, when it comes to dating, especially in the early phases of dating.
A man will not enjoy this dynamic if he feels that there is no room for him to be strong or the one to take the initiative. He would eventually resign and distance himself from the relationship after reluctantly stepping down.
He doesn’t have to be in charge all the time, but there must be balance (there’s that word again). He starts to feel subordinate if you are always in charge. All people naturally avoid situations that make them feel inferior.
But other than these crucial errors there are certain common and infuriating mistakes that are commonly made by women that are bound to push guys away, especially if you are in the early stages of dating!
These are the top five mistakes women make that turn guys off:
1. Texting more often than he does is one of common mistakes
Do you make more decisions on your own? Your balance could be unstable if you send twice as many messages as he does.
2. Sending him lengthy texts while receiving dull, quick replies from him
Are his texts brief and concise, like the ever-eloquent “K,” whereas yours are thoughtful soliloquies that are on par with Shakespeare’s? Stop composing paragraphs for him. Not everyone is great at expressing themselves with words, when one person is over expressing and the other can’t, it leads to false expectations and miscommunication from both the parties.
3. intimacy-based attempts to get his attention
Despite what we’ve learned from every movie ever, overt sexuality at the start of a relationship, especially before you’ve had a chance to get to know his preferences, character, and more about him as a person, can be a turn-off.
You run the danger of losing his trust if you fling yourself at a guy you essentially know nothing about. It is one of the most common mistakes women make thinking that every man would appreciate such a gesture. Additionally, you let him know that you are unworthy of “the pursuit.” (Unfortunately, men do experience this, at least in part.)
4. Talking excessively
Do you find stillness uncomfortable? Do you frequently feel the urge to comment on everything that happens or have something to say?
It’s great to be a lively, animated woman who adds life to every conversation in a relationship (otherwise, it’s just physical intimacy and staring at the wall), but if you often break silence just because you’re uncomfortable, your words will hurt intimacy, not help it. Learning to enjoy silence together is one of the strongest forms of intimacy.
5. Having the appearance of a police interrogator due to your excessive questioning
Do you frequently inquire in an almost accusatory manner about the nature of your connection, including where it’s heading and what he’s thinking? At the beginning of a relationship, questions like these can come off as desperate and controlling.
The early stages of dating can be quite a tricky stage but it’s not to undermine that real work in a relationship takes place when you are past the honeymoon phase. If being a woman you have frequently been in a scenario where you are ghosted by guys,, take a step back to retrospect what might be wrong. Is it really the wrong guys or are you moving too fast? On the flip side, if you are a guy or know someone who always runs away on the slightest of inconveniences during dating. Maybe you also need to give others a chance and be patient with how things really turn out. Learning to communicate on what you want and what you feel comfortable with goes a long way into establishing an early trust in the relationship.