Childhood serves as a foundation for our lives. We learn, we grow, we get curious, and we explore. Maybe that’s how childhood incidents, whether good or bad, have relative impacts on us for the rest of our lives. You often don’t realize it, but our behavior, coping mechanisms, and even attachment styles are linked to what our childhood was like.
An anxious attachment style is more likely in children who had a difficult childhood.They might have trust issues, fears regarding physical intimacy, aggressive approaches, abandonment issues, and what not.
We might keep claiming “what’s done is done” or “it’s past now.” Anything that scars your childhood is likely to have an influence on your personality, and especially on your romantic relationships.
When it comes to men, their trauma usually manifests as anger, which can be unbearable at times.Also, there are men out there figuring out how to deal with their partner’s abusive childhood trauma. As the issue can come from either of the two sides regarding how it affects men, let’s talk about both.
Your childhood trauma
If, as a man, you were subject to any sort of physical, sexual, mental, or emotional abuse as a child, here is how it may affect your relationship.
You might have an avoidant attachment style.
An avoidant attachment style is when a person finds it difficult to open up to their partner and is extremely self-reliant. They think that they are always on their own, and that’s how it should be. People with this attachment style often have trust issues and shut down at signs of conflict.
Such people may have experienced abandonment or grew up in a strict family environment where sharing one’s feelings was discouraged. As a man, it might fuel your desire to be secretive and emotionally distant. People might associate it with being emotionally available. You might not be able to console your partner or express yourself as clearly. So, in case your man has an avoidant attachment style, try to see what his childhood was like, and most importantly, give him time and space.
You have an aggressive approach to things
Often, boys who grew up seeing the males in their family use aggressive approaches follow the same path. We frequently refer to men as being more aggressive. Many studies have concluded that men and women become angry at nearly the same intensity and for nearly the same reasons, such as stress, family issues, and financial difficulties. But men are expected to react more to their anger than talk about it.
There are high chances that a guy who grew up with a toxic and abusive father will replicate some of his habits. Maybe because it was said to be justified for his father to act like that.
You fear commitment
Often, children who see their parents getting a divorce or living an abusive marital life fear commitment. They fear ending up in a similar kind of situation. Fear of commitment in an adult romantic relationship can also result when the child is pressured. Taking responsibility as seriously as committing to someone might overwhelm and scare them.
If a person, particularly a man, is insecure in a relationship, he may be compared to and judged by his own family.This can affect a child’s brain in such a way that he might end up underestimating himself in the long run. Maybe he was never appreciated enough as a kid.
Your partner’s childhood trauma
It takes two people to make a relationship work. Often, people with childhood trauma get over their fears just because their partners were supportive, empathetic, and patient throughout the journey.
Here are some tips for men if their partner had a rocky childhood.
They might be afraid of intimacy
Children who were subjected to child sexual abuse in their childhood grow up with a fear of touch. Muscle memory can trigger them at any time. Often, such people are afraid of physical intimacy and might get flashbacks more often. In such cases, the other partner needs to understand that it’s a huge deal to them. Being patient and empathetic can build trust. It might take time, but a good emotional connection can smooth things out in the long run.
They need reassurance and get clingy
If your partner seems to be clingy sometimes and constantly needs reassurance, maybe they were treated carelessly as a child. They fear abandonment and uncertainty. A child who grew up facing uncertainties would like to know everything as an adult in a romantic relationship. Make sure you reassure them and understand where they are coming from.
You can achieve a new level of harmony with people by communicating and trying to grasp everything. It can do wonders to be around compassionate, understanding individuals. You need to have faith in yourself and seek out companions at any stage of life. It all comes down to taking that first step.