The recent Netflix sensation ‘Tinder Swindler’ talks about a certain fuckboy and how he monetised on making a fool out of women. However, the show starts with a very honest truth about our lives, ‘people now meet from dating apps and the romance is now digitalised’, which leaves a lot of room for men to take advantage of their counterpart and live a life where they get the benefits of being in a relationship, without being in one.
The term ‘fuckboy’ has garnered a lot of attention in our lives, mainly because some or the other way we might have met one. If you think not, then maybe it’s time to take a look in the mirror.
If you are shut off emotionally and are dating multiple women at the same time without even thinking about how it will go, perhaps, you are a fuckboy. However, have you ever thought about how this term actually came into existence? Or are you just proud to be called one? We are not here to judge, but the problem with being a fuckboy is that it is not only toxic for others, but is also toxic for people who show such traits.
The term ‘fuckboy’ can now be found in the dictionary as well and defines it as a ‘man who doesn’t respect women, however, is dependent on them’. Apart from that, he is a man who indulges in selfish behaviour without thinking if it is going to hurt a woman or not. If you already believe that this defines you, keep reading, it will only help.
How it is Toxic even for Men
While being a fuckboy is some men’s fantasy, the truth is that they are full of toxicity, not only for women but for themselves as well. These men live in a superficial world in which they believe they can get any woman they point at. However, in reality, they are only dependent on others and bail out on all kinds of responsibilities thrown at them.
If you are drawn to googling, let us tell you, that google defines a fuckboy as ‘a weak or contemptible man’. Your next question will be how can someone who has so much confidence that he can woo any woman, end up being weak. Do not believe in what a fuckboy shows to the world. The fact of the matter is that many men show that they are confident human beings, while overcontemplatig their every move. Men tend to live with the philosophy that hiding their feelings and never showing their vulnerability makes them strong. All they end up doing is hurting themselves.
We are all born with emotions, some are more emotional people and some less. Not being able to share those emotions and not being able to be open about what you are feeling will make sure to leave a dent in your mental health.
So if you think being a ‘sakht launda’ and never being able to express your emotions, staying away from a healthy committed relationship where you can be vulnerable, be it even friendship, are signs of being an emotionally strong person, then think again.
I am not saying that being in a casual relationship is wrong. Not being honest to your partner and using them only for sexual favours while they are expecting more is wrong. Be honest, tell what you are looking for. In this modern age there are many women out there who will not judge you if you honestly tell them your intentions, in fact it might just be what they are looking for.
Although, if it is hard for you to admit your intentions and you find yourself lying to yourself and even the partner that you might currently be with, even though you want to break the pattern and come clean then we have some tips for you:
Admit that you are currently at a stage in your life where you are not looking for any committed relationship but are definitely looking to have an intimate one. Admit your past mistakes and the fact that during the journey you might have hurt others.
We understand that you went through some phase in your life which has made you come to a decision of not being emotionally available to anyone. This is a phase of life that many of us have been through.
Admitting your emotional unavailability to yourself and even to people that you are currently involved with will make sure that no one gets cheated. It gives you a chance to not only be okay with your feelings, but also makes sure that the partner or partners in your life are aware of your circumstance and do not expect something that you are currently not in a position to provide.
Introspect about the Past
Think about all the women you dated in the past and left. You might have ghosted a few or just broken up with. Let’s be honest, you have experienced it all, and have left many hearts in the wake of your journey to a better man. Understand that during this journey it was your responsibility to be upfront about your intentions. Not disclosing your intentions and using someone just for sexual purposes, will leave them with anger for you. Understand that this anger will then manifest into a lot of things. It is the same anger that made you take the decision to stop looking for love and concentrate only on materialistic things.
You might want to move forward from this point as soon as possible but you need to introspect a little bit for now. Some self-reflection is necessary to know that in the past you were making the wrong decisions.
This decision was not only bad for the mental health of others but was worse for yourself. Take time out for yourself and figure out what was the point in your life where you decided that a committed relationship is not something that you are looking for. During this retrospect, if you figure that your decision of being interested only in casual sex and relationships stems from the fact that you are heartbroken yourself then we suggest you take a break. Your heart is not going to mend itself just by sleeping around.
Now that you have admitted it to yourself and acknowledged that what you did in the past was wrong, it is time to take some professional help. Sure, you don’t have anxiety or depression; nothing is mentally wrong with you but going to a therapist will only help you in taking the next step in leaving your old ways behind and becoming a better man.
If you are not sure about it, believe us, the conversation between a therapist and their client remains confidential between the two of them. Nothing gets out. Apart from that, when you talk to a therapist, you will be able to let out your vulnerable side, telling them all that you did in the past. You will be able to let out your guilt, your stress and your sadness.
As a therapist, they will be able to give you tips on how you can let go of your old ways and be a better man. Along with that, they will help you in letting go of that guilt as well as the sadness.
Once you are determined to become a better man rather than being a fuck boy, there is no need to get into a relationship so soon. If you do start dating someone, you might forget everything and get back to your old ways, which we both know, you don’t want to happen. So instead of mingling, stay single and enjoy that side of life. Enjoy your freedom!
It won’t be so easy as we say; you might start getting attracted to certain women now and then and would want to indulge in a conversation with them as well. However, be determined as it is a process of improving yourself.
Being single for a time being will help you realise what you are looking for in a partner. It will also give you time to understand yourself and accept the parts of you that you never wanted to even become conscious of. It will give you time to become a mentally healthy being.
Sleep Alone or with Someone You Love
As the headline says, it’s quite simple. You might have never slept alone as a fuckboy, however, during this process of improvement, prepare yourself to sleep alone at night. It might be hard or even scare you to sleep alone, however, with time, you will learn.
If you do find someone special in your life and have feelings for them, make sure that you only sleep with them if you love them. Becoming intimate with someone out of loneliness is not a reason to sleep with someone you adore during your self-improvement.
Make sure that your feelings towards the said person are true and you have shared your experience with them, while coming out clean about your past and telling them of your true intentions. If you even remotely feel that it’s an infatuation, sleep alone.
Love to Give
Realise the fact that you are on your journey to understand the core principles of a relationship. If you are in love with someone, stay true to the intentions that you both started with. Make sure to be the man they are worthy of.
It’s obvious that people change, especially when you are in a relationship. The honeymoon period doesn’t go one for a long time and once you realise that, things can get serious and sometimes, even boring. However, it is important to let your partner know that you are always there for them and make them feel loved.
A relationship is not just based on sex but also on emotions, which can get scary for some men. However, once you leave your old ways you will be able to provide your partner the right care and support that they deserve.
Earlier you might have broken a lot of hearts but once you become a better man you will be able understand the meaning of a real relationship. While you can’t change the past and mend it, what you can do is change your old ways and mend them. As soon as you change your old ways you will realise how much better you have become.
Apart from that, you will be able to find a good and healthy relationship which can even turn into a marriage. The transition will be amazing and worthwhile!