September is marked as the month of International Peace Day. But peace is not just about fights at the borders, but also about fights within. Peace within contributes to peace around. In this hustling marathon of career, relationships, responsibilities and insecurities, how can a man find his inner peace?
The world often sees a man as a torchbearer of their pre-existing definition of being “strong”. These unrealistic expectations can put a lot of burden on a man’s mental health. Usually men don’t express and they continue to keep sacrificing their peace within to meet these benchmarks without even realising it. They get scared, anxious and cope up with their insecurities as much as women do.
The concept of attaining peace is often linked with helping others. No doubt being kind brings peace, but helping yourself first can actually make you feel peaceful enough to extend a hand of empathy with a better mind set.
Let’s check out some ways through which men can make peace within.
Assets doesn’t define your worth
Generally, a man’s worth is calculated by the assets he owns. A sleek car, huge bungalow, a six-digit bank balance can surely be very fascinating to own. But should not come at the cost of your peace. Every person has a right to choose whatever they want to do with their career. Everybody’s timeline is different. Some start working at 20 while some follow their passion and struggle with it for years. Doing what you want to do at your own desired pace brings peace.
But owning an asset can only be a buy product of success, not the aim. Just because you are a man doesn’t mean you’ll have it all sorted out by any specific age. Don’t let materialism overpower your idea of being worthy.
Sex is not your power zone
Sex is not supposed to be any victory or competition. As a man, you are not supposed to meet any ideal sexual desire standards. Every individual is different and so are their sexual desires. Having an intimate relationship where you can be honest about your sexual desires and compatibility brings peace and fulfilment. It doesn’t need to make you feel powerful. It should be your safe and intimate space along with your partner.
Stop trying to change or control everything
No doubt, bringing a change or getting control over something is a source of strength and achievement. But you can’t do it all the time. Being under mental pressure, men often try to control as much as they can. So, whenever things go out of control, it is not a very pleasant feeling. But there is a list of things which cannot be changed or controlled. For example- things people say, do, past mistakes, what others think about you etc. Accept the fact of that now. A rope hurts more when you keep on holding it. Similarly let things go which are not in your control, you need to let things play out naturally at times.
Holding onto any grudge or hatred can interrupt your inner peace. Men are seen as a symbol of aggression. However, the fact is that men feel anger as much as women do. It’s just about the expression that differs sometimes. So just because you are a man, doesn’t mean you should jump into fights. Letting go and practising forgiveness can help you in getting anger out of your system. This will eventually result in attaining peace within.
Comparison takes you nowhere
Constantly comparing yourself to someone and analysing your value is nothing but disrespect to your own self. Men often tend to compare their situation, achievements, and success to others so much that it takes away their inner peace and they start failing more and more each day.
Feeling sad about not reaching your own expectations can be hurtful. But concluding your potential just because someone else did better can make it worse for you. Seek inspiration, work on yourself, but don’t waste your days feeling bad after comparing yourself with somebody doing better. The feeling of Self- sufficiency brings peace within. Satisfy your own goals.
Enjoy your own company
It is very important to learn how to enjoy your “me time”. Often burdened with work duties and responsibilities can make a man frustrated and dependent on his relationship with others to feel relieved. But others may not always be available for you. Hence, dependency on anybody for your own peace can be hurting for you and others. Enjoying your own company helps you to have realistic expectations from others, makes you feel happy and brings peace within.
Make your own decisions
There is a famous saying, ”You are the driver of your own life, don’t let anybody else steal your seat”. Making your own decisions and choices is essential for your self esteem and to take stand for yourself which brings inner peace. When someone else makes decisions for you on your behalf, it may feel like giving them the strings of your life which is a slow-kill for your mental health.
Make your own decisions, even if it brings failure sometimes. Failure is inevitable but at least you learn and grow from it. Don’t give somebody else the control over your life.
Keep a journal
Remember when you learnt “diary writing” in your school. “Dear diary” can actually bring peace to you. Keeping a journal not only helps you in expressing what you feel but also assists you with keeping your thoughts less tangled. You can make a “what to do list” in the morning, write about how your day went. If you feel a rush of thoughts and can’t figure out what’s wrong, keeping a journal can help you find out. Make a “thought chart” and analyse what made you feel sad and why. This helps you channel your emotions and also acts like a vent for you.
You can often feel that you had a great workout on a bad day. Exercising helps you release stress, feeling confident about yourself, and reducing anxiety. This is because exercising stabilises stress hormones such as cortisol. It also increases the production of endorphins. These chemicals are known to be the body’s natural painkillers, and help in elevating your mood .
Not everything can go according to what we plan. There is going to be no such time when you are at peace consistently. So, keep doing what makes you feel good today. Grab the little opportunities to help yourself and the moments that make you happy. The peace we find is utopia, but the peace we make is reality. Don’t let some preset norms snatch away your relief. Don’t push yourself more than required and be a little less harsh on yourself as a man. These solutions can help you find the peace within. This month of peace, put a cease fire on your self- doubting thoughts, insecurities, sacrifices and create peaceful moments for yourself as much as you can.